I always start these posts off by saying, gosh, it’s been a while since I last posted, but since the dust is at points inches thick on my blog, I shall now give a few stats to amaze you in this, the first of three getting-back-up-to-speed posts. Since my last post:

• The earth has spun 255 times on its axis, and has traveled 407 million miles.
• The Detroit Lions went 0-16, a first in the NFL.
• 38 plant and animal species are now gone.
• A black man became president.
• Swine have begun the attempt to rid the planet of humans with their flu strain.
• Michael Phelps won 48 gold medals and, swimming, circumscribed the globe twice (though some claim he cheated by using the Panama canal).

I just blew your mind. Sorry.

Picking up where I left off, Relient K finished Warped Tour without a hitch, and with aplomb. Thanks to everyone who came out to see us and say hi! After Warped I tried to lay low for a few weeks. Tinkering with my time machine prototype consumed the majority of my time, though with a plethora of video games readily accesible and a camping trip to the mountains where the temperatures approximated those in the Arctic circle, it was a battle of the wills.

Unrelated: history remains unchanged… for now.

In the Fall both my brother and Sarah’s sister devised a nefarious plan whereby their separate weddings circumvented the proper and logical way of getting married; by this I mean, of course, holding their ceremonies in THIS country. The scene for my brother’s wedding was the faraway land of New Brunswick, home to St. Stephen’s University and heaping doses of Maritime pride. I kind of fell in love with the place. There’s a great community of artists and thinkers up there that begs the question: why do they not have a neighborhood coffee shop? Canucks…

His wedding was beautiful. It was held in a church whose stones and timbers were pulled from the very bones of the earth, it is told. The music was simple and heart-wrenching. And the way my brother and his wife stared deeply into each other’s eyes during the ceremony, it felt as though we were intruding on their privacy. It was one of my life’s finest honors to stand beside him that day.

Directly after the festivities Relient K went into the studio to add three more songs to the ever-bloating compendium which is our Christmas album . The songs are great, and I’d definitely suggest you line our pockets by purchasing said songs for the next holiday season. I keed, I keed.

Our Fall tour was called The Uncle Fest Tour. A whole lot less people ended up knowing that the name was a reference to Uncle Fester from the Addams Family, or for that matter even knew what The Addams Family is, than we had expected. But everyone seem to come around once we played the theme song. You know, the one with the snaps. It was amazing getting to tour with our buddies House of Heroes again, and great to get to know This Providence and Ludo.

Highlight of the tour for me? It happened in this wise:

In Pittsburgh, PA, a drunken cougar expectantly approached me, seeing from afar that I wore a black, button-up shirt and purple tie. In disappointed tones, her breath rich with the scent of far-away tobacco fields, she stammered, “Oh, I thought you were that guy…”

Prey: “What guy?”

Cougar: “Zach Efron!”

to be continued…

Listening to "I'm Expanding My Mind" from the album Head Trip In Every Key by Superdrag